


The Curse of The Merjews

by shittystorywriter



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Merjews, Mermen, Seamen, Sexy sailors, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-11-18 19:56:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11297745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittystorywriter/pseuds/shittystorywriter
Summary: In an alternative universe, Stan is a British fisherman and Kyle is a gay Merman with a penchant for seamen.





	1. Chapter 1

Kyriel the Merman sat on the ocean floor, sulking over his boring life. A 24 year old half fish, half human, he longed for a normal life outside of the ocean. As if being a Merman confined to living underwater with a bunch of fish brains was not bad enough, he was also a homosexual, a ginger, and a Merjew. The Merjews were a mysterious group of Jews who dwelled under the sea. Their existence was considered either a myth or an utter abomination by normal mainland Jews. For those who believed in the Merjews' existence, they were often considered to be the unholy spawns of depraved, perverse deviants who somehow managed to have sex with fishes, producing a freakish new hybrid species. However, the Merjews' oral tradition maintained that they were not the bastard descendants of fish rapists, but rather the product of a centuries long curse.

The rumor was that the curse could be lifted and they would be converted into full human beings if just one of them found true love with a regular human. However, no Merjew as of yet had managed to break the curse. Anytime a human saw their lower halves, they would be too horrified to have any kind of romantic attraction to them. Thus, the Merjews were confined to their existence as ocean dwelling freaks of nature.

Kyriel's parents had been encouraging him to marry a mermaid since he had turned 20. He knew that even if he were heterosexual, there was no way he would want to pass on this terrible curse to any children. He wondered why his parents had even bothered reproducing at all, knowing full well that they were a species of freaks who, against all odds of nature and biology, really shouldn't exist.

Kyriel's mother was a pushy ginger mermaid, and his father was an irritating bearded merman. His father collected "artifacts" and "valuables" from shipwrecks to sell at the local markets. Their Mercave was always cluttered with junk.

That day, Kyriel's father came back from treasure hunting with a gift for him. It was a metal prong of some sort. "Kyriel!" he shouted. "I'm not sure what the hell this thing is, but I figured you can try to use it to brush that god damned nest on your head. Maybe that would help you finally meet some merladies!" his father grinned.

Kyriel took the pronged utensil and sighed. His parents just weren't going to leave him alone about finding a merwife. He didn't dare mention to them that he was gay, nor that he never missed an opportunity to check out the hot sailors whenever they sailed by their ocean territory. "Yeah dad, whatever. I don't think I'm ever going to marry a mermaid, so you should just give up on the hope." he said flippantly, rebelliously flipping his hair and flipper at his father.

His father looked annoyed. "Don't you flip your flipper at me, young man! You know what your problem is? You're a pussy! You're never going to get any pussy unless you stop being one!" he yelled.

Kyriel had a short fuse and was in no mood for his father's berating. He threw the pronged utensil back at his father and stormed off to go find his closest friends, a lobster and a puffer fish. He liked to confide in them whenever he was frustrated or upset. They never talked back, unless he was drunk, because they were fucking fishes, what do you expect? Sometimes though, if he was really hammered, he'd see the lobster sing songs in a French Caribbean accent.

He saw the puffer fish floating around near it's usual spot and swam over to it.

"I can't believe it, puffy! My dad is a total douchebag. Blahblahblah, when will you marry a mermaid! Blahblahblah, stop being a pussy! Well fuck you dad! Maybe I don't want to inflict this terrible curse on my future offspring!" He complained, while the puffer fish just kind of did it's own thing, ignoring his presence.

Just then, he heard a loud vibration coming from above. He knew this sound..it was a ship! "Gotta go, puffy!" He waved goodbye to the pufferfish and rushed towards the surface to get a good view of the large boat. In the distance was a big ship with sails, and he could hear the voices of the sailors shouting. He waited on a rock as it approached closer, then swam around the side of the ship. He tried to keep a safe distance from it, yet close enough to see.

He swam around it for a few minutes, looking wondrously up at the big ship, but he was even more mesmerized when he eventually spotted a tan, black haired hottie doing something with a pile of ropes near the edge of the deck. Kyriel kept his eyes fixed on him, admiring his toned body and wondrous legs. In the distance he saw another figure swimming about in the water. As the figure approached him, he realized it was Mr. Garrison, the local Merteacher. "Oh hi Kyle," he greeted him in his usual southern drawl. Mr. Garrison was an orphan who was discovered as a baby and raised by the Merjews. He was indeed the product of a drunken fisherman's one night stand with a salmon. 

Suddenly Mr. Slave swam up as well. "Oh hi guys," he greeted.

"Hey Mr. Slave," Garrison winked.

"What are you doing here Kyriel? Checking out some of the hunks up there?" Garrison smirked.

"Uhhh.." Kyriel stumbled for an excuse.

"It's okay, we won't tell anyone!" Mr. Slave giggled.

"Ooh, that one has nice perky ass cheeks." Garrison pointed at the dark haired sailor Kyriel had been ogling. He brought out his binoculars and zoomed in on it.

"Teehee, you're such a pervert!" Mr. Slave smacked Garrison.

"Let me see!" Kyriel snatched the binoculars from him to get a good look at the tanned sailor. "Wow.."

Garrison grabbed the binoculars back and scanned the deck. "Hmm..that blonde one over there has a nice package," he noted, as if studying a specimen.

"You're so dirty! You probably get it from your freaky father," Mr. Slave giggled.

Mr. Garrisons eyes turned dark. "Don't you dare mention that salmon fucking bastard! I'm sure he's dead now and in hell where he belongs!"

"Ooh, why don't we go back to our cave and you can punish me," Mr. Slave suggestively suggested.

"Okay, if you're good, then maybe I won't shove a clam up your ass," Garrison threatened.

"Ooh, Jesuth Chrith!" Mr. Slave shivered in excitement.

Kyriel stared at them, mouth agape. He cleared his throat.

"Oops! We're so naughty, we forgot there was a little boy present!" Mr. Slave giggled.

"I'm not a little boy! I'm 24 Meryears old!" Kyriel huffed.

"Well Mr. Grown Up, we'll leave you alone with your sailor business, we've got our own business to do." Mr. Garrison smirked at Mr. Slave, and waved goodbye as they dived back under the water.

Kyriel silently thanked their departure, as he moved closer to the ship to get a better view of the dark haired eye candy. As he approached, he noticed the man was doing something with a fishing net. Kyriel dunked under the water so he wouldn't be seen, but his tail made a splash. Suddenly the man was looking overboard at the large tail in the water. He dropped the net and it landed in the water, on top of Kyriel's tail. Kyriel tried to get it off him but ended up getting tangled in it. He frantically tried to dive back down into the water, his tail splashing around the surface as he struggled.

The sailor looked down and spotted the large tail down there in the net. He turned around and quickly began pulling the net up by the rope reel it was attached to.

Kyriel felt the net tightening around his body and lifting him out of the water. He panicked and thrashed around, trying to get free. His parents had always taught him to stay away from humans. He'd always ignored their warnings, and now here he was, with his tail stuck in a human's net. 

He could hear the man above grunting, pulling the reel as he lifted the large fish continuously higher up towards the deck. When he finally reached the top, Kyriel grabbed the edge with his hands and levered his tail weight to hoist himself onto the deck. Once on the deck he flopped over, still trapped in the netting and struggling to move properly. 

The man tripped and fell backwards onto the deck, staring at Kyriel in absolute shock. He scooted away fearfully. "Woah..who..what..what are you?!"

Kyriel smiled shyly. "I'm a merman, silly! Haven't you ever seen one of my kind before?"

"I thought..thought that was merely a legend..there's no way..." The sailor's eyes widened, as he cautiously touched Kyriel's tail, feeling the realistic texture of the scales. "Holy shit, this is for real. Wait, am I dreaming?" He pinched his arm, shaking his head in disbelief.

Kyriel giggled nervously. "Nope. I'm a real freak, unfortunately!" He sighed, silently admiring the sailor's deep blue eyes, a color which resembled the ocean. How fitting it seemed for him to be a sea traveler. "Are you going to kill me now? Or is there any chance of me getting out of this netting?" he asked politely.

The sailor hesitantly offered a half smile, still in shock from this unexpected meeting with an actual Merman. He got back up and helped untangle Kyriel from the fish netting material. Before he could ask more questions, the sound of other sailors approaching from the other side of the deck could be heard. "Shit. I have to hide you. Get in here, quick!" He pulled Kyriel by the arm, stuffing him inside a closet with mops and buckets. Kyriel tried to stay as still and quiet as possible.  _"Oh boy. What has my fish dick gotten me into?"_ he thought to himself.

Kyriel waited in the dark closet until it became silent outside, and finally he heard the door being opened. The Greek god stared down at him, once again appearing to be in shock. "Um..the coast is clear now. I'm sorry for bringing you up here, I thought you were just a large fish! It'd probably be best you got out of here before someone else sees you. Who knows what the rest of the crew would do if they saw an oddity like you" he said.

Kyriel sighed sadly. He hated being called an oddity. "That's too bad. I always wanted to meet a real human..I watch the ships whenever they come by. What a shame that we have to part so soon. I'll be on my way then."

He tried to slide himself across the deck, but it was difficult to do considering he had no legs. He then resorted to trying to flop across the deck, looking utterly foolish as he did so. The fisherman laughed at the bizarre scene. "Do you need a push?"

"Maybe just a small push," Kyriel reluctantly admitted. He felt, quite literally, like a fish out of water.

The dark haired hunk smiled and placed his hands on the merman's back - Kyriel shivering with delight at the human's touch. "Wait..before you go, I didn't get your name.." the sailor questioned.

Kyriel took a deep breath. _"Woah. He wants to know my name?"_  he thought. "Um, it's Kyriel."

"Nice to have met you, Kyriel. I'd love to know more about you and your people, but I think it's best you go now.." the sailor explained, scanning the deck.

"Alright, but you didn't tell me your name," Kyriel pouted, not wanting to leave this new and exciting experience so soon.

"Ah, right. I'm Stan, and I'm a fisherman, in case you can't tell," the man explained, grabbing the straps of his pants to pull them up with his gloved hands. Kyriel took a good look at his shirtless torso and his muscular arms.

"Well, I bet you weren't expecting to catch a fish as big as me today!" he laughed.

The man looked at him strangely. "Heh, yeah, I suppose not! I mean, if you didn't have a human head and torso, you'd be dinner for the whole crew! Even just the half of you could probably feed a few. Luckily I'm not that cruel. Dunno about those other guys though.." he chuckled nervously.

Kyle looked terrified by his comment. "Well, I'm not going to stick around and find out. Help me off the deck now?" he asked, pointing with his head towards the water.

"Sure thing," Stan responded, positioning both hands on the sides of Kyriel's tail and giving it a shove. "Farewell, Kyriel!" he shouted as the merman flew off the edge of the boat, diving into the water head first. Kyriel popped back up from the water and waved goodbye up at Stan, who gave a small wave back. He then slipped under the water again and began his aquatic trek back home.


	2. Chapter 2

Kyriel had a faint smile on his face as he sat at the dinner table, chewing his kelp salad. It was an unusual change from his typical grumpy and withdrawn demeanor.

"My, somebody certainly looks happy today," Sheila commented.

"He's been out having a good time apparently, while I needed help at the market," Gerald huffed.

Sheila rolled her eyes. "Oh come on Gerald, let him have some fun once and awhile. He rarely leaves the cave. So Kyriel, what were you up to today?" Sheila asked, pinching her son's cheek.

Kyriel froze for a moment, trying to think of a good excuse. There was no way he was going to tell his parents about his earlier encounters with a fisherman and a fishing net. "Well," he began, "You know, just went for a swim and checked out the coral reef," he lied.

"Oh bubbles, you must be careful going around that area, sometimes there are swordfish and sharks who pass by there!" Sheila fearfully informed.

"I think he's fine dear, they probably mistake his hair for a large sea sponge anyway," Gerald snickered.

Kyriel rolled his eyes, but didn't bother with a retort. Even his father's snarky comments didn't seem to bother him as much as usual today.

"Oh, stop it Gerald! My little bubble is perfect. I'm sure he's going to find a lovely merwife soon, eh bubbles?" Sheila nudged him on the shoulder.

"Who knows, maybe that smile on his face is from a secret girlfriend he's not telling us about," his father smirked.

Kyriel felt his good mood beginning to falter. How many times were his parents going to keep bringing this up before they got the message?

With a newfound sense of bravery, he cleared his throat. He might as well get this over with. "Mom, dad, I'm gay," he announced.

Sheila gasped, while Gerald went silent. Kyriel looked back and forth at them, nervously awaiting their responses.

"Ha! I told you!" Gerald shouted, laughing and waving his finger in his wife's face.

Sheila crossed her arms with a humph. "Fine, you won."

Kyriel's jaw dropped. "What??"

"Oh, it was just a silly bet we made. My intuition was correct. I mean, no offense Ky, but you do swim like a mermaid," Gerald explained.

Sheila smacked him on the arm. "Stop being so intolerant! He can swim however he wants."

"Is it really that obvious?" Kyriel wrinkled his face in embarrassment.

"Kyriel, most mermen are married by age 21. You're 24 and you have shown no interest in any merladies. And you know how people in this village love to gossip," Gerald sighed. "But regardless of what anyone says," Gerald leaned over and patted his son on the back, "It's nobody's business who you want to spank tails with."

Sheila gave Kyriel a hug. "We love you bubbles, we just want you to be happy."

Kyriel beamed at his parents. They were handling this better than he expected. "Thanks you guys."

His mother patted his head. "Now how about tomorrow I bring you with me shopping, and then we can go to the salon, and we'll get sea scrub and seaweed masks, oh and pearl polish manicures!"

Kyriel raised his eyebrows in horror. "Mum, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to do all that crap!"

"I'm just teasing, bubbles," Sheila snickered, getting up to clear off the table. "But you _can_ help me with cleaning these dishes and dinglehoppers."

* * *

Kyriel went to bed early that night, exhausted from the day's crazy events. He woke up very early in the morning, while his parents were still sound asleep. Yawning, he climbed out of his sponge bed and quietly swam out of the cave. It was still quite dark. He could hear and feel faint vibrations coming from above, which meant that the large ship was still in the area.

His instinct lead him to take off in the direction of the rumbling, allowing his tail to propel him upwards. Once he reached the surface, he spotted the ship in the distance. However, he avoided getting any closer to it. As much as he enjoyed adventures, the fisherman's words about his crew were still fresh in his mind. He shuddered as the vision of being caught in a net and then chopped in half while still alive flashed through his head. He then imagined his own butchered corpse being fried in a pan for the sailors to eat.

Frightened, he turned around to leave, but the vision of something moving in the corner of his eye caused him to look back towards the ship again. He saw from far away a man on board, waving his arms in his direction. Kyriel squinted his eyes. From the distance, he could only tell that the man had dark hair.

He cautiously swam closer to the ship, until he could see clear enough to confirm that it was indeed the same sailor he met yesterday. Kyriel waved up at the man, who waved back.

"Kyriel! Hi again!" he greeted, in a fairly hushed tone.

 _"Wow, he remembers my name,"_ Kyriel noted with surprise. The fisherman looked down at him. Kyriel saw some notches going up the side of the ship like a ladder, and decided to try and climb them up to the top. It was a bit nerve wracking trying to climb so high up with wet hands and no legs.

When he finally reached the top, Stan offered his hand out for him to grab. Kyriel smiled and grabbed his hand, as the fisherman pulled him over the ledge and onto the boat.

Once Kyriel was on the deck, he nervously scanned the area for any other fisherman who might possibly want to eat him. "What are you doing up so early? Is everyone else on this ship still asleep?" he asked in a whisper.

"I could ask the same of you. Do mermaids ever sleep?" Stan questioned.

"Ahem. I'm a merman. And yes, we do sleep. I just happened to wake up early," Kyriel explained. He felt quite awkward, as his lack of legs rendered him unable to stand up at eye level with the fisherman.

As if mirroring his thoughts, the fisherman sat down on the floor next to him. "So, what brought you back here this early morning?" he asked.

"Well, uh, I, woke up and could still feel the vibrations coming from your ship. And then I swam over here to see it again," Kyriel explained.

"Ah, you like boats, huh?" Stan grinned.

Kyriel shrugged. "Better than the usual scenery of the ocean floor and miles worth of sea weeds."

Stan looked at him in wonder. "Wow. I just can't believe I'm sitting here face to face with a real mermaid."

"Merman," Kyriel corrected him.

"Ah, right. This is just amazing. You have an actual real tail!" he ran his finger over the scales. "What kind of mileage do you get with it?" he joked.

Kyriel didn't understand the joke. "Well, I don't have a speedometer but I can swim pretty fast. Although, there was one time I had a close call with a shark," he recounted. "It almost took off a chunk of my tail. It's a miracle that I got away."

"Wow, that sounds scary." Stan sat, wide eyed, intrigued by the Merman's story.

"You get used to seeing scary things down there. I saw a killer whale once too, but I outswam it," Kyriel continued. "To be honest, I'm more frightened of..well..humans trying to catch me, who knows what they'd do with me."

Stan patted his tail reassuringly. "Ah, don't worry dude, I think you're safe with us." He looked at the sky and noticed that the sun was almost beginning to rise. "It'll be maybe a half hour or so before the rest of my crew wakes up. I'm kind of the youngest, and haven't been here long, so they make me wake up early and do all this shit." He rolled his eyes, nodding toward a nearby stairway, which lead to a sheltered space containing small cabins for them to sleep in.

"Oh. Do you think I should leave now? I don't want to make a scene, or cause trouble.." Kyriel nervously looked down at the steps, picturing a horde of men running out with knives to attack him. "I certainly don't wish to be eaten!"

Stan laughed, as he yawned and stretched his arms out. "Relax! I was just joking about them wanting to eat you. Mermaids are considered a sacred legend among sailors. One of the older guys told me about the Merpeople before, but I didn't believe him. And now, here I am talking to one! Heh, I never would have imagined this."

Kyriel grinned. "Well, I wouldn't have imagined getting to meet a human myself. You're the very first legged human I've ever met!"

"Really? Ain't that special." Stan smiled, showing off his pearly white teeth.

 _"You have no idea,"_ Kyriel thought, admiring the fisherman's beauty. He took a good look at his eyes. Fascinating specks of turquoise were scattered throughout gray-blue orbs. It reminded him of the sea itself. 

The sailor became painfully aware of his intense staring, which caused him to stand up, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, I've got to get breakfast ready for everyone soon, so.."

Kyriel broke from his trance, ashamed and embarrassed by his own staring. "Oh, oh, right. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I was just admiring your eyes. You have very pretty eyes!" He looked up at the seaman, smiling and batting his own eyes.

The fisherman looked taken aback by his blunt comment. "Oh, uh...thank you?"

Kyriel nodded, immediately regretting his admission. Why did he even say that? The odds that this fisherman would reciprocate his admiration were very slim.

But then the fisherman grinned, as if reading his mind. "Don't worry, I'm truly flattered. Who would think that a siren of the sea fancies me?" He wiggled his eyebrows, kneeling down on the floor again.

Kyriel giggled. "Don't be modest, I'm sure you're used to being admired and complimented by people all the time."

Stan grinned as he sat back down, leaning back on his hands. He supposed preparing the shitty breakfast gruel could wait a bit. It's not every day, or any day for that matter, that he had a handsome red haired merman flirting with him at his job. "Not on this boat. And never by anyone as mysterious and lovely as yourself," he smirked, lightly touching the merman's hand. Kyriel's face turned pink.

"GAY!!" a shrewd voice suddenly yelled from behind them, startling the merman and the sailor out of their little moment.

Kyriel looked up to see a fat sailor standing a few feet away from them, his hand resting on his hips as he examined them in disgust.

Stan immediately retracted his hand, covering his mouth in embarrassment. "Dude! What are you of all people doing up early?"

The chubby man raised an eyebrow, pointing an accusing finger back at Stan. "The better question would be: what the fuck are you doing with that Merjew??"

Kyriel looked afraid, while Stan just rolled his eyes. "We were talking, before you came in and ruined it, tubby."

The chubby crewman smirked deviously. "Talking, yeah right!" he chuckled. "I heard the whole thing!" Then he put on an exaggerated falsetto voice, "Ohh Stan, you have such pretty eyes!" he mocked, roaring into laughter.

Stan furrowed his eyebrows back at him. "I'm sorry Kyriel, but this is my asshole crew mate, Cartman. He's an asshole, in case I didn't say that already."

Kyriel half-smiled in response, looking at the chubby man suspiciously.

Cartman took a good look at the merman, and then at Stan. "Oh, this is just rich. I didn't know there were gay ginger Merjews," he cackled. "What, did you catch him in your net, Stan??"

"Actually, yeah I did. Now fuck off." Stan held up a middle finger at Cartman. Kyriel giggled.

"I'd be careful if I were you, you're merely a peon on this boat and I can tell the Captain on you for disrespecting mah authoritah!" Cartman wagged his finger at Stan.

"You won't do shit, Cartman. Besides, we were being quiet and minding our own business till you came in. I think you're just jealous." Stan stuck his tongue out.

"HA! Jealous of you and your gay ginger Jewfish freak? Yeah right!" Cartman chuckled.

Kyriel suddenly lost his temper. He scooted close to Cartman and whacked him hard with his tail. It made a loud thwap noise and left a pink mark on Cartman's arm.

"Ow!! Fucking Jew fish freak!" Cartman yelled, cradling his arm.

"Shut the fuck up Cartman, you're gonna get me in trouble!" Stan whispered.

"Your crazy little boyfriend tried to kill me!" Cartman whined.

"Because you're being a dick! Sorry about this, Kyriel." Stan looked at his merman with sympathy.

Before Kyriel could respond, two more men came out from below. They stared at the merman with mouths agape. "Yo! You gotta see this!" one of the men called, as a few more came out to stare at the unusual human-fish hybrid.

Kyriel's pupils went wide and he panicked. There were about 12 men staring at him like he was a museum exhibit. He desperately tried to manuever himself towards the edge of the ship, lifting himself over the ledge with his arms.

"Kyriel, wait!" Stan called, but it was too late as the merman jumped off and fell into the water below.

Stan watched as he splashed into the water, disappearing below the waves. The last thing he saw was his tail.

Another sailor stood at the ledge as well, watching the water below in fascination.

"Told ye guys they exist!" one of the elder men stated matter-of-factly.


	3. Chapter 3

After the curious fishermen dispersed from the deck, Stan continued to watch the sea below, but saw no signs of movement in the water. Obviously the merman had been startled and was not coming back. He turned away from the ledge and scowled at Cartman, who was still standing about just to annoy him.

Cartman smiled smugly at him. "Oh I'm sowwy, did I ruin your date with that freaky fish man?"

"Why are you always such a dick?" Stan glared at him.

"Because I can be," Cartman grinned. "Besides, you were supposed to be making us breakfast, bitch! We're all waiting, so chop chop!" he arrogantly clapped his hands at Stan.

Stan picked up a small fish from a nearby barrel and threw it at Cartman's head, before going into the kitchen to make their usual boring morning meal.

When it was time to eat, all the fishermen sat around on barrels, eating their grub out of tin cans. Cartman looked disgusted with the meal, as usual. "This crap tastes like shit!" he whined.

"It's all we've got, fatass," Stan retorted.

"Yer just a shitty cook. You don't use any spices or anything!" Cartman made a dramatic gagging face, chugging down some cider with the food.

Stan rolled his eyes. "We barely have any spices, dumbass." 

"Boys, settle down. Stanley, tell me about this mermaid ye found," the eldest fisherman, Peter asked.

Before he could respond, Cartman butt into the conversation. "Well, Stan's a fag and he caught a gay fish in his net and then tried to hump it," he explained in one breath.

Stan glared at Cartman, who simply smirked back at him.

"You really caught him in a net? How did this happen?" one of the other men questioned.

"Well, I heard this splash down below, and then I looked down and saw a tail sticking out of the water. I thought it was just a big fish. So I threw the net down and uh, it turned out to be a merman. I couldn't believe it, thought I was just too drunk at first," Stan explained.

"You know what they say about catching a mermaid, eh?" Peter asked, scraping the bottom of his tin with his spoon.

"No, what?" Stan replied, intrigued.

"Oh, eh, I don't know. I thought there was a saying about it, but I forgot. I was hopin' you'd member it." Peter wagged his spoon at the ceiling thoughtfully, trying to sort through his aged mental library.

"It means that Stan's a fairy, that's why he caught a male mermaid," Cartman snickered.

"Mer _man,_ " Stan corrected Cartman.

"Pfft, whatever. I heard them talking." Cartman put on his falsetto voice again. "Oh Stan, you have such pretty eyes!" he taunted. "And Stan was like: "Oh, you're not bad looking yourself" and then the fish freak was like, "I want to have your babies!" It was disgusting, they were about to start humping on the deck."

Stan laid his head on the table in annoyance. "You totally made up those last bits."

"Nuh uh, and then I came out and the freak tried to kill me with his tail! Stan, for your own safety you should stay away from that creature, it's not even fully human!" Cartman rubbed the slap mark on his arm. "Besides, they aren't just any mermaids, they're Merjews, the worst kind. They're part of a radical communist plot to take over the world, beginning with the ocean."

Stan just stared at Cartman blankly. It was early, and he was too tired to bother getting into another dumb argument with him.

"I'm serious Stan, they're sneaky people. That Merjew is probably trying to seduce you so he can steal your money," Cartman explained.

Stan sighed, rolling his head over to the other arm. "Well, I'm practically broke, so I don't think I have to worry about that happening."

One of the blonde sailors snickered. "Why don't you lay off, Cartman?" he grinned. "Maybe our pretty boy has found his sea prince charming."

Stan glared at the blonde sailor. "I've been dealing with Cartman's dickery all morning, now you too Kenny?" 

"I'm not being a dick. I'm happy for ya. Can you ask your fish friend to bring me a pretty mermaid with nice big titties?" Kenny smiled, showing his missing tooth.

Stan rolled his eyes. "I'm taking a nap, if anyone needs me then let me know." And with that, he went back to his cabin to get away from his annoying crew mates, and catch up on some much needed sleep.

* * *

Stan woke up an hour later and began his day of work, helping catch fish in nets for hours, until the sun began to set. He saw no signs of the Merman all day.

By dinnertime, it was nearly dark. The smell of smoke, grilled fish and potatoes for their dinner wafted through the air. While Stan didn't particularly enjoy his job that much, one of the few perks of a fisherman's life was getting to eat fresh seafood regularly.

The men sat around eating their meals, with only lanterns to illuminate the space. Stan poked at his plate of flounder, taking longer than usual to finish his food. Ever since meeting the merman, he began to think about scaled creatures differently. Whereas previously he viewed all fish as simple beings, merely food to be caught and eaten, he now felt an oddly remorseful feeling about eating them.

Should he consider the Merpeople as a type of fish, or simply humans with fish like tails? It was a question for which he couldn't come to a simple answer. They had the brains and upper bodies of a human, but they also clearly possessed scales and flippers. It was making him question the very definition of what a person is.

As he stared down at the meat on his plate, he found it difficult to continue eating. Kenny, on a nearby stool, noticed that he wasn't finishing his food. Stan saw him eying the remainder on his plate and handed it over to him. Never one to turn down seconds, Kenny gladly accepted it.

"Ooh, thanks man. Aren't you hungry?" he questioned.

"I'm fine, dude." Stan mumbled, as he sat on a wooden stool, contemplative and relatively quiet. He had been filtering out the chatter of the other sailors the whole time.

Kenny realized that Stan's demeanor had somehow changed since his mysterious merman encounter, he'd since seemed much more withdrawn. Nothing that alcohol couldn't fix. He patted Stan on the back. "Hey, how about some gin??"

This seemed to break Stan out of his thinking. Liquor was always a good idea to Stan, almost never would he say no to a drink or two. He grinned as Kenny poured him a small glass. He quickly downed the glass, and then poured himself another.

The gin got passed around, along with another unidentified bottle of bitter spirits, and soon the sailors were singing and dancing around the deck, laughing and enjoying their drunk buzzes.

One man played the accordion as the rest drunkenly danced and goofed around, hopping and tripping over their own feet.

Cartman smashed an empty liquor bottle against his head for entertainment, as the rest of the men yelled and laughed at the scene.

After his fifth drink, Stan was feeling a bit queasy. He wandered towards the other end of the boat where it was much more dimly lit, hanging over the edge as he felt heaves coming up in his throat. He puked into the water, and then puked again, and then a third time until it felt like he'd expelled all the alcohol he'd just drank in the past hour.

"Aw, sick, dude!" he heard a voice call from a distance. He looked around but there was nobody there.

"Who was that?" Stan responded.

"It was me!" the voice replied. Stan looked all around and couldn't see anyone.

"Shit, I gotta stop drinking so much," he mumbled.

"You sure do! Your puke almost hit me in the face!" the voice yelled back. Confused, Stan looked down and saw the merman floating in the ocean down below.

"Ohh, it's you! Down there!" he yelled, as if having a drunken epiphany.

"Yeah, you sound pretty hammered!" Kyriel noted.

"Well, come up here!" Stan shouted back. He threw a rope over the edge, but forgot to hold on to the end or tie it to something, so the entire rope landed in the water. "Oops."

Kyriel chuckled and began climbing up the side of the boat in a similar manner to last time. He was beginning to get used to this, despite not having any legs or feet.

When he got to the top, Stan grabbed him and pulled him onto the boat, drunkenly stumbling backwards as he did so. He fell onto the floor, bringing the merman down with him.

Kyriel laughed, as he rolled over onto his side, but stopped when he caught Stan staring intently at him.

"You want some er, whatever that stuff was in that bottle?" Stan asked, his speech mildly slurred.

"Uhhh.." the merman faltered, unsure if drinking was a good idea at this time of night. Especially considering that "whatever the stuff in the bottle" Stan had just consumed had resulted in him puking up his stomach contents. He was about to decline, when -

"Okay! I'll go get you some, wait here!" Stan announced, stumbling back onto his feet and disappearing towards the direction of the sound and lanterns.

Kyriel could hear a bunch of men yelling and laughing, along with the sound of a terrible accordion player. He nervously scooted further into the darkness so he wouldn't be easily seen.

Stan came back with two small glasses, handing one to him. Kyriel smelled the glass and scrunched his face up. It smelled very strong. Not wanting to come across as weak, he downed the glass in one go. It burned his throat, making him scrunch his face up again and nearly gag. It wasn't often that he drank alcohol, since it was a rare substance for Merpeople to obtain.

"Cheers!" Stan yelled, raising another glass in his own hand - but Kyriel grabbed it from his hand before he could take a gulp. He dumped it on the floor, the alcoholic contents spilling out.

"Hey! whuh was that for??" Stan frowned.

"Sorry dude, I just don't want you to get more sick. You were just puking your guts out. Why don't you give it a rest?" Kyriel looked at him worried.

Stan yawned and sat down on the dirty deck floor. "I guess you're right, I'm kinda dumb when I'm drunk. Anyway, glad to see ya back again," he smiled. "Couldn't stay away, huh?"

Kyriel smiled back. "I saw the lights on the boat and heard people yelling and got curious."

"Meh, we're just having one of our heavy drinking nights. We'll all regret it the next morning when everyone is hung over, but there's really not much else to do for fun when you're stranded at sea," Stan explained.

"How long have you guys been on the ship?" Kyriel asked.

"Bout 2 months," Stan replied.

"Wow, I guess that does get boring." Kyriel looked around, examining the details of the ship in semi darkness. It wasn't anything special.

They heard the drunken voices getting louder on the other side of the deck. Apparently two of the fishermen had gotten into a drunken brawl.

Stan tried to stand up, wobbling a little as he did so. "Hey, let's go somewhere quieter?"

Kyriel shrugged. "Sure, but where?"

"Uhhh..I forgot you can't walk. Here, let me try something." He leaned down and tried to position his hands under Kyriel's spine tail to lift him up. He picked him up off the ground but stumbled backwards, as he tried to regain his balance.

"Woah, put me down, you're too drunk," Kyriel protested. He could smell the puke and liquor on Stan's breath, and it wasn't very pleasant, to say the least.

"No no no, I'm fine, I got ya," Stan replied, as Kyriel clung to his neck. He somehow made it stumbling across the deck, pausing when he reached the steps. He carefully walked down the steps, and then carried the merman down a dark corridor, before stopping at his room's door. He kicked the door open and then dropped Kyriel onto his small bed, tumbling over on top of him as he did so.

Kyriel pushed him off, and Stan rolled off the bed, hitting the floor with a thud.

"Ow," Stan groaned.

"Oops, sorry!" Kyriel replied, flopping onto the floor as well. "Why are we in here?" Kyle questioned. "I can barely see."

"Hold on." Stan walked out to retrieve a lantern, shutting the door behind him when he returned. He sat down against the wall, facing Kyriel, who was laying on the floor, propped up by his elbows. "Well, sorry about this shitty musty room, but this is the only place we can talk in quiet, and I didn't want the rest of them drunk bastards treating you like an aquarium exhibit," he smiled. He grabbed a nearby pillow and threw it at Kyriel to rest his arms on.

Kyriel took the pillow, smiling. "Oh, uh, ok. What did you want to talk about?" he asked, examining Stan's handsome features as they flickered in the dim light.

"I've been wanting to know more about you and the Merpeople in general," Stan explained, beginning to feel just a little bit more sober.

Kyriel frowned. "Well, there isn't much interesting about us, we're just a bunch of cursed freaks."

"What? Of course it's interesting! It's the most interesting thing I ever seen," Stan argued.

"Yeah, but only because we're weird, that's all people ever see in us," Kyriel muttered.

"Not really! Your tail..is actually..quite unique, in a beautiful way. Some people may find it weird, but many people find the idea of Merpeople enchanting." Stan looked at Kyle's tail curiously, it glittering slightly under the lantern's illumination.

"Well, most Merpeople don't trust humans, for good reason. Not long ago, a man was caught in a fishing trap and died. That's why we usually avoid the surface and large boats." Kyriel recounted, remembering clearly the merman's bloody tail and lifeless body trapped in a net. By the time they cut him free from the net, it was too late.

Stan gasped. "What kind of trap? You mean one of those large nets?"

Kyriel eyed him suspiciously. "Yeah..many fish get stuck in them. Sometimes dolphins get stuck in them too, and, more rarely Merpeople. We're usually smart enough to avoid them, but sometimes you don't notice them until it's too late."

"Oh." Stan looked down guiltily.

"It's OK, Stan. I know you're just doing your job. I understand that humans have to eat fish or they'll die," Kyriel shrugged.

"Well...we don't exactly _have_ to eat fish to stay alive," Stan explained.

Kyriel looked at him incredulously. "Really??"

"Umm, yeah. People just eat it because it tastes good and is filling. I mean, not everyone eats it," Stan shrugged.

Kyriel looked taken aback. "We..never eat fish. We only eat kelp and sea vegetables. I always thought that humans were different, that they had to eat fish to survive. I mean, who would hurt a fish when it's not necessary?"

Stan looked at Kyriel with an eyebrow raised, surprised by his naivety. He doesn't dare want to tell him about all the other cruel practices in the human world.

"Look, I know, humans are fucked up," Stan sighs. "I guess that includes me."

Kyriel stays silent, as if he is in deep thought, and Stan decides to change the topic. "So..you said your people are cursed. What did you mean by this? Is there a story behind it or something?" he asked curiously.

Kyriel looked apprehensive. "You mean..the curse of the Merjews? It's a pretty long story."

Stan just shrugged. "Well, I wanna hear it."

Kyle smirked, "Alright. But I warned you." He leaned over on his side, trying to get comfortable on the pillow. The alcohol was making him a little woozy. "So, a long time ago, there were these two men in a village, named Moshe and Hershel. They got into this feud over a goat. Moshe claimed that Hershel traded him a sick goat for ten of his healthy chickens, and ripped him off. So Moshe got Abraham, the local goat doctor, to check the goat and confirm that it was indeed a shoddy quality goat."

Stan was speechless. He just stared at him with one raised eyebrow, which Kyriel took as his queue to continue.

"So anyway, the goat doctor was like, "yeah this goat is sick", and then Moshe was like, "I KNEW IT". So he confronted Hershel, but Hershel was like "Ur crazy bro, the goat was fine a day ago", and then the goat died. So then, Moshe is traveling up this mountain or something, and he sees a lightning bolt. He asks God to help him make a spiritual pact, or something. So, later they are in the village, and he approaches Hershel and says "I want your firstborn daughter to marry my firstborn son. If you refuse, all of your chickens will be sick and your children and their children and so on will be cursed."

Kyriel paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "So anyway, Hershel's firstborn daughter grows up and Moshe's first born son wants to marry her. However, Hershel did not like the son's small dowry offer and set his daughter up with a man who had more money and chickens to offer."

Stan leaned against the wall, trying his best to figure out in his semi drunken mind where this story was going.

_5 minutes later_

"So, the fifth child was born on the night of a full moon, and the mother died, and that's when they realized that the rye bread was poisoned."

_7 minutes later_

"-and _then_ , after a terrible storm, when they checked the basket, all of the fish were suddenly _gone_. And..that's the story of how the Merjews ended up cursed with flippers and tails," Kyriel exhaled, a bit worn out from recanting the whole story.

Stan just stared blankly at him, a bit of drool coming out the side of his mouth. "OK, what in the hell?"

"Shall I repeat the story?" Kyriel grinned.

"Nonono, that story was retarded," Stan exclaimed.

Kyriel gasped. "Dude! It's our history! Don't mock our history!"

Stan broke out into laughter. "But that whole story was retarded and made no sense."

Kyriel lightly smacked him with his flipper. "It's the truth though."

Stan just laughed. "Seriously? Sick chickens, lightning bolts, full moons, poisoned bread, a haunted tree and a bunch of fish disappearing from a basket after a storm? This is the reason why you've got fins and tails?"

Kyriel tapped his chin in thought. "Uh, I guess so. It's what the holy books say."

Stan chuckled. "OK, you really believe in this crap?"

Kyriel frowned and lowered his head. "...no. But believing that it's just a strange curse gives me hope, Stan!"

"Hope of what?" Stan asked.

Kyriel took a deep yawn. "All I've ever wanted was to be normal, like other humans. I've always dreamed of having legs, and getting out of the ocean. At least..believing that this is just a curse makes this seem possible, ya know?"

Stan wanted to feel sympathy for him, but he knew that the human lifestyle was no better. "Well I always dreamed of getting out of the crowded filthy city, spending all my time on the ocean, smelling the fresh sea air. But since I took this job, all I can smell is the stink of this boat. I guess the grass really is greener on the other side."

He was about to continue, when he realized that Kyriel had passed out asleep on the pillow. 


	4. Chapter 4

Kyriel lifted his head from the pillow and opened his eyes groggily. He must've fallen asleep in the dark cabin room. The rocking movement of the boat accompanied various creaking noises, and the dimming flicker of the lantern on the wall vaguely illuminated the hunched over sailor, who had fallen asleep against the wall. Stan's head was propped against a pillow, and he drooled slightly.

As he came to consciousness, he realized that something didn't feel right. The merman tried to move, but immediately felt something wrong with his tail. He tried to turn over and felt a tight, tearing sensation. He touched his tail and felt the very dry scales. Oh no! He'd never been out of the water this long before. His entire lower body felt quite numb. He struggled to even turn his tail to the side. Each time he tried, he felt the pain of his dried scales ripping.

He desperately tried to hoist himself towards the door, but it was painful to move his lower half. Panicked, he tapped the floor to get Stan's attention. "Stan! Stan, please wake up, I need help!"

Stan opened and closed his mouth, before slowly opening his heavy eyelids.

"Stan! Dude, I need to get back in the water! I'm drying up!" Kyriel panicked.

Stan fully opened his eyes and tried to make sense of the situation in his fatigued state. His brain eventually processed what the merman had said, and he jumped to his feet.

"Oh, shit, are you OK?" he asked stupidly, even though he could clearly see that Kyriel was in distress. He tried to hoist himself under the merman to lift him off the ground, but Kyriel screamed in pain.

"Ow! Please be gentle!" he begged.

Stan knotted his eyebrows in concern and tried again as gently as he could to lift him off the ground. His tail indeed felt very dry and flakey. Kyriel hissed in pain as he picked him up. It was even painful to move his flippers. He clung on to Stan's neck desperately as the sailor opened the cabin door. Stan carried Kyriel down the hall and up the steps to the deck. The merman felt sharp pain with each footstep.

When they reached the deck, Stan gently put the fishman down on the floor. It was still dark out, but the sun was just beginning to rise. "Oh jeez, I'm so stupid! Merpeople can't be out of the water for too long or our scales will dry out!" Kyriel hissed, feeling the sensation of a hundred paper cuts at once.

Stan appeared deeply concerned. "Oh wow. I should have known and not let you fallen asleep. Do you want me to help you overboard?" he asked.

"Yeah, I need to get back in the water!" Kyriel sceamed. Stan tried to lift him again, but he screamed in pain. He let go of the merman and put him back down on the floor. "Jesus, what's wrong??" he asked worriedly.

"I don't know, Stan. I've never been out of the water this long before. I..I can barely move my tail..it feels like it might tear if I move any more." The pain was etched onto Kyriel's face.

"Hold on. Okay, don't move." Stan grabbed a bucket nearby with a string attached. He threw it down over the side of the boat to fetch water, and began pulling it back up. Then he took the bucket and splashed it onto Kyriel's tail. Kyriel writhed in pain. Even being doused with water hurt his sensitive dried scales.

Suddenly, Kenny stumbled up onto the deck, having heard noises from the hall in his cabin. He took a look at the distressed merman, then at Stan. "Woah. What the hell's going on?"

"No time to explain, just help me fetch water to pour on his tail!" Stan hurriedly tried to pull up another bucket full of sea water. Kenny, although tired and still recovering from the night's drinking, grabbed another bucket and did the same. They began pouring the buckets onto Kyriel's tail, one by one.

Even after being doused repeatedly, Kyriel still struggled to move his lower half. The sea water was not helping replenish the already done damage. He sniffled, looking up hopelessly at Stan. "I should have remembered that being out of the water this long would be bad for me."

"Err..were you guys here all night? I don't remember seeing him earlier," Kenny pointed at the merman. "But, I'm a bit hungover," he squinted. Kenny indeed looked trashed from last night's drinking shenanigans. "Wait, I'm not still drunk, am I?" he groaned, walking over to touch the merman's tail and confirm that it was real.

Stan shook his head. He looked down at Kyriel's tail and saw blood seeping from the cracks of his scales. "Shit, you're bleeding."

Kyriel tried to pull himself forward with his arms to inspect the cuts in his tail, but in doing so he ripped a bigger gash in his tail. He began to bleed more from the new gash.

"Damn. I'd never believed in merpeople before, but now here's a real merman dying right in front of my eyes!" Kenny exclaimed in awe.

Stan flashed him an angry glare. "He's not dying! He just needs more water! Hurry!"

Kenny took one good look at the merman, his bloody tail creating a puddled mess on the floor. "That tis a dying man right there."  
  
"Shut up Kenny, you're in no condition for thinking properly!" Stan shoved Kenny, who simply laughed. 

Kyriel just looked up at both of them in worry. He was bleeding quite a bit now. "Guys..I'm really fucking bleeding. Just toss me back into the sea."

So Stan tried to lift him once more, with Kenny helping pick him up from the other end. But again, Kyriel shouted in pain. He impulsively wriggled out from their grasps, flopping back onto the deck flooring. The bleeding was getting worse.

He was beginning to feel a bit light headed, too. "Aghh. Hold on. Just let me lay here for a moment. Oh god, oh god. This is all my fault!"

Stan looked down at Kyriel worriedly. "No, this is my fault too. As a fisherman I should have known, scaled sea creatures need water." He walked away to grab some cloths, then returned to the merman and tried to wipe the blood coming from his tail. He also took a handkerchief and tried to tie it tightly it around the gash that was bleeding most, attempting to make an amateur tourniquet.

"Kenny, get us some medicine from the emergency box down there," Stan commanded.

"What kind of medicine?" Kenny asked, confused.

"I don't know! Figure something out. Or just bring the whole box." Stan looked down again at Kyriel, who appeared paler than usual. 

As Kenny left to retrieve the medicinal supplies, Stan grabbed the merman's hand. "I'm sorry Kyriel. I shouldn't have let you fallen asleep. I shouldn't have fallen asleep myself."

Kyriel just shook his head, smiling. He felt lucky to have met such a caring friend. "No, it's my fault too. I can never seem to stay out of trouble."

Kenny returned to the deck with the supplies. He looked curiously at Stan, who was holding the merman's hand and gazing down at him. He gave Stan an odd look.

Stan noticed Kenny's judgmental stare and moved his hand away. God dammit, he could never enjoy a moment on this boat. Kyriel was too fatigued to care about their silent interactions. He buried his head in his arms, feeling weak.

The two sailors weren't sure what to do for the merman. Never before had they needed to perform medical treatment on a fish-like creature. Stan, with no better ideas in mind, decided to grab a bottle of calamine lotion. He poured the bottle onto his tail and tried to rub it in, splashing some water from the bucket onto his tail as well.

Kyriel let out a deep breath. The lotion was actually a bit soothing. "Thank you, Stan. It actually feels a little better," he half smiled. He was still in pain, but the tourniquet had slowed the bleeding. 

He tried to move, but Stan put a hand on him to keep him still. "Just relax. If you try to move, you might start bleeding again."

"Ugh..okay..but I really think I need to go back to the water soon. Back home." Kyriel felt oddly helpless on this boat. It was near sunrise, his parents might have noticed he'd been gone all night. They'd surely have questions for him, unless he could return before they woke. Still, he'd need an alibi for the handkerchief tied around his tail.

"Sure, but just lie still for a few more minutes. And Kenny, go get me more lotion!" Stan instructed.

"Oy, aren't you the hero, doctor Stan," Kenny taunted. "Saving your beloved merman from bloody death!" he smirked. "Why, it's no wonder we've got ya doing the cooking and cleaning. I knew you were a funny man!"

Stan simply huffed at him. Kenny gave him a strange grin and went back down the stairs to search for more lotion. Stan released a sigh as his annoying crewmate disappeared below the deck. First it was Cartman, and now Kenny was being an ass to him as well. It was bad enough being the youngest crew mate, but now he would also be known as the "funny" one. 

He supposed the taunting was only to be expected. It was certainly abnormal and against God's word, a man fancying another man, one with a fishes tail at that. Although, sailors weren't well known for their godly morals. He looked down lovingly at the resting merman, admiring his bright red hair. Maybe the creature had put him under a spell.


End file.
